Getting to learn a little bit about Self-Confidence & Self-Care with Michael Coelho (Holistic Therapist)

How many times have you said to yourself, "I wish I could have said / done that" when reflecting on talks or opportunities in your life? Maybe it wasn't a big deal, just something less than you knew you could do, but you didn't have the confidence to do it. Or, starting to ask yourself What’s the meaning of life, the universe and everything? How can I be happy?

Michael Coelho is a Holistic Therapist and Coach. For over 15 years he has been a specialist in relationships, human behaviour and spirituality. I asked Michael what are the main keys to improve women's self-confidence and here are the 7 principles:

7 main keys to improve women’s self confidence

1- Don’t follow the standards created by society 

2- Accept where you come from

3- Be financially independent 

4- Be sexually independent 

5- Understand that your improvement doesn’t depend on men

6- Accept your body 

7- Don’t romanticize relationships

Now that we already know what we need to start this beautiful journey, let’s understand more why some women are still accepting or are afraid of certain situations in life. 

How can you describe a confident woman?

I describe a confident woman as a woman with authority in her actions. When she manages to decrease all the pressure and oppression that society declares as correct, especially when she decides to live in a different way than she had been before. 

Do you believe the number of confident women is greater than non-confident women?

It will take a while to be able to work on the limiting of beliefs and sexism, it seems easy, but it is not. I believe that this new generation that brings a new (freer) sexuality can break these concepts of obligations and fragility. 

A new behavior is always scary, not only because of pre-conceptions, but because it does not have a “guide” that teaches how to live, so we will accept the ‘new’ slowly. Of course, some manage to be easier to accept, and others are more rooted, but there is no way to hold back improvements that have been made, they are stronger than us, they are necessary, and how to hold back a woman? Impossible...

After all the progress women have made so far, why do you think we are still not completely self-confident?

Even with all the rights they have already earned, and will continue to earn, one question was missing: Did men manage to evolve together with women?

That is, self-confidence is trapped in a society that judges a woman to be self-confident, where competition is seen instead of partnership, of social rather than individual growth. 

Can a woman drive? Can you be the director of the company? Can you choose not to have children? The answer to all of these questions is “Yes”, of course, but many people are still in a pattern from the past, and that pattern clashes with the self-sufficient woman.

What can we women do to increase our self-confidence?

There is no exact recipe for self-confidence, but rather numerous attitudes that will build that on you. The first one is accepting who you are. More fundamentally than being a man or woman, we are all human, humans with limits. We are constantly improving and understanding our limits, which does not mean we have to stop because of it, but setting goals, dreams, and achievements that will come with effort and self-love. We need to learn to be our own friend, so as not to put our self-acceptance in the hands of others. It is not a dispute, not wanting to be in the other's place, but rather wanting to win your place, with your intelligence, with your strength, with the ability to be yourself.

Do you believe any type of sports improve women's self-confidence? 

I believe that sport is essential, mainly because it helps to relieve our internal conflicts, in addition to being another way for new achievements. Women have found extraordinary strength, and we are discovering that being referred to as ‘the fairer sex’ does not even suit. 

Do you believe that many women are still in abusive relationships due to lack of self-confidence?

Relationships have always been a weakness for women, who bring with them a fake romanticism that does not allow women to find self-sufficiency. Even with all the achievements, at work, in sports, in the family, women are still waiting for “The Perfect Prince”, someone who will save her, help her, and free her.

It is time to stop and wake up to an idea that for years has had women down as being submissive, fragile, incapable of being happy without someone.

Nobody will make you happy, if this self-love journey does not come from you, only you can save yourself from social ignorance, from the concepts created by the perfect society, even because to be perfect is feeling freedom, loving yourself, accepting yourself, giving yourself a chance to be better.

We all need to write the new story, where there is space for everyone, where romanticism is used at the right time, where you can say “no” without being judged, and in this new world, we need women, with their lightness in building and strength in rebuilding.

We women, we can feel very confident, it doesn't need to be noticed by others, but it needs to be felt by you.